The Power of the Net: "My Grandma's Hands" & the Story Behind It!

The month before my Grandmother died, I visited her in Missouri along with my mother, sister, niece and her new baby girl. My Grandma Pete was 93, tired and getting weak. In her own words, she was ready to go to God. We knew her days with us were coming to an end, and we wanted her to have the joy of seeing her first Great-Great Grandchild.

As the designated family photographer for the trip, I took a portrait of the five "women" -- all with smiling faces -- to commemorate the special occasion so many generations coming together. I asked them to let me follow it up with a more artsy shot of just their hands. This was met with some playful mock resistance (including "no notice given for manicures") but they were all game and eventually caved in to my "artistic demands." The idea for the composition had been suggested by a sales rep at Precision Camera where I shopped before our trip, and I wanted to give it a try.

It took some effort by everyone to capture the shot we wanted. My Grandmother was not very mobile so we worked around her seated position in her recliner. A couple of yards of black fabric from the local Wal-Mart draped over her lap and served as our backdrop. Then we set up everyone else. I stood on a kitchen chair and focused down while the "younger generations" (73, 51, & 27) leaned back as far as they could manage and still keep their hands (and the baby's) in the photo.

We made several adjustments to the hands before deciding on a chronological age arrangement that just seemed right. The photograph features the hands of my Grandma, Mom, Sister, Niece & Great Niece with each gently touching the next. Pleased with the result and proud to play a role in capturing our family's history, I named this special photograph: The Hands of Time.

We had hoped to run the photo, along with the traditional 5 generation portrait, in the local newspaper where Grandmother lived in Missouri. Unfortunately, we were not able to do this before she passed away just a month after our visit.

A little over a year later, my cousin emailed me an inspirational piece of writing "Grandma's Hands" commenting that it reminded her of my photo. The "unknown author" wrote of her 90-year old Grandma and the hardships of her life (many which paralleled my grandmother's) and how it will be these hands that "reach out and touch the face of God." This was just as my Grandmother fervently believed before she passed. It seemed as if that photo was taken to go with the writing. I immediately copied the poem, inserted my photo and emailed it out to family & friends, and the staff at the elementary school where I work.

The Hands of Time

5 Generation Photo by
Pamela McFarland Walsh

MY GRANDMA'S HANDS
by Melinda Clements

Grandma, some ninety plus years, sat feebly on the patio bench. She didn't move, just sat with her head down staring at her hands.

When I sat down beside her she didn't acknowledge my presence and the longer I sat I wondered if she was OK.

Finally, not really wanting to disturb her but wanting to check on her at the same time, I asked her if she was OK. She raised her head and looked at me and smiled. "Yes, I'm fine, thank you for asking," she said in a clear voice strong.

"I didn't mean to disturb you, Grandma, but you were just sitting here staring at your hands and I wanted to make sure you were OK," I explained to her.

"Have you ever looked at your hands?" she asked. "I mean really looked at your hands?"

I slowly opened my hands and stared down at them. I turned them over, palms up and then palms down. No, I guess I had never really looked at my hands as I tried to figure out the point she was making.

Grandma smiled and related this story:

"Stop and think for a moment about the hands you have, how they have served you well throughout your years. These hands, though wrinkled shriveled and weak have been the tools I have used all my life to reach out and grab and embrace life.

They braced and caught my fall when as a toddler I crashed upon the floor.

They put food in my mouth and clothes on my back. As a child, my mother taught me to fold them in prayer. They tied my shoes and pulled on my boots. They held my husband and wiped my tears when he went off to serve our country in time of war.

They have been dirty, scraped and raw, swollen and bent. They were uneasy and clumsy when I tried to hold my newborn son. The left hand is decorated with my wedding band they showed the world that I was married and loved someone special.

They wrote my letters to him and trembled and shook when I buried my parents and my spouse.

They have held my children and grandchildren, consoled neighbors, and shook in fists of anger when I didn't understand.

They have covered my face, combed my hair, and washed and cleansed the rest of my body. They have been sticky and wet, bent and broken, dried and raw. And to this day when not much of anything else of me works real well, but these hands hold me up, lay me down, and again continue to fold in prayer.

These hands are the mark of where I've been and the ruggedness of life.

But more importantly it will be these hands that God will reach out and take when he leads me home. And with my hands He will lift me to His side and there I will use these hands to touch His Face."

I will never look at my hands the same again. But I remember God reached out and took my Grandma's hands and led her home.

When my hands are hurt or sore or when I stroke the face of my children and husband I think of Grandma. I know she has been stroked and caressed and held by the Hands of God.

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This piece was originally published as "Grandpa's Hands," copyright 2004. The revised version above is posted with the permission of the author. To contact Melinda, visit her website or click to email her directly: Melinda Clements.

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"And Now," as Paul Harvey would say, "the REST of the Story!"

A few months after that email, one of the teachers I work with stopped me in the hallway and asked, "Wasn't it you who took that photo of the hands?" She said she was sure that she'd seen my picture in an email from a friend. I replied that it probably wasn't mine, someone else must have taken a similar pose, and promptly dismissed it.

A month or two later, my sister (whose hand is IN the photo) received an email from a good friend out in West Texas. It was a forward of a forward of a forwarded email with this message: "Just look at the picture a good while, and then read the rest. It will touch you." Lo & behold, if it wasn't the photo & the poem as I had sent it out. Ironically, her friend had no idea that it was Gayle's hand and family depicted. When Gayle told her, she said "Well, I thought that ring looked familiar."

I studied the chain of forwarded emails and recipients convinced I would find some link to explain it all, but was unable to do so despite the many addresses it contained. We got a big chuckle out of the whole thing and remarked about the power of the internet. Little did we know.

Fast forward to this past weekend ... Looking through a folder that I've kept for many years ~ a file of "keepers" containing inspirational pieces, poems, motivational articles and quotes ~ I decided to start posting some of these favorites on a new blog. Since I consider these to be written gems, I've named this blog "Retold Gold," a nod to the fact that they aren't first run editions.

Now, I have always believed it is important to credit work. As such, I decided that I'll always make a sincere effort to find out who authored a piece before posting it here, even if it comes to me as "Unknown Author." Sadly, this is one of the pitfalls of the internet; people frequently leave off the author's name when they copy, paste and share. On the flip side, the Internet makes it really easy to find the original source if it's somewhere "out there." Just by googling a line from a piece of writing (with quote marks around the phrase) it's possible to find multiple sites that have it posted, and often the author's name as well.

WHICH brings me back to the photo. Following the first item on this blog (which ironically focuses on the importance of crediting work) I decided to post "Grandma's Hands" along with the photo I took as I had originally sent it out last fall. But, I didn't have the author's name. In keeping with my intention to always give credit whenever possible, I quickly googled a phrase from the piece.

Well, I found what I was looking for. And more! Not only did the writing appear on numerous sites, I found it posted many times with my"Hands of Time" photo attached. From the National Call to Prayer website to over 25 different blogs across the country, this photo and poem have appeared together. People have posted reflections on their own grandparents and being prompted to take similar pictures. People write about its origins: "this widely circulated email" that "I'm sure you've seen before." And some sites post it with the original words I included:

I was privileged to take a photo of 'Five Generations of Women' shortly before my 93 year-old Grandmother passed away last year. The photo, shown below, features the hands of my Grandmother, Mom, Sister, Niece and Great-Niece. While I can't take credit for the idea, I was so happy to have had the suggestion & capture this moment. It inspired a friend of mine to do something similar which turned out so beautiful and a special keepsake prior to her father's passing.

I have found it posted on the photo sharing sites Photobucket and FLICKR with a challenge to go take one like it. I have seen my image used as someone's desktop wallpaper. I have seen it edited with the hands placed onto a different background. I even found someone who posted it claiming that SHE took the photo, and then was having other people rate it! (I suppose the good news is that it had received 10 out of 10 stars on all ratings.)

Almost everyone has posted it as author (and obviously photographer) unknown with acknowledgment for its inspiration to them. For this I am grateful. After a bit of searching, I was able to determine who authored the piece, and I contacted her directly. Melinda Clements originally wrote it as Grandpa's Hands, copyright 2004. When I shared my discovery with her, she said, "Oh, I've seen your photo before." We have enjoyed a newfound friendship and connection. Unknowingly and without intention, we have become forever entwined by our respective works.

As I have journeyed through the land of internet anonymity, I've experienced first-hand the feelings of not be credited for my work. I do understand that people can't ask -- or give credit to -- someone if they don't know who it is. But it's just an odd feeling, or should I say, a mixture of many: knowing it's so OUT there, knowing it's inspired people, knowing that no one knows it's mine, knowing that people have taken it and CHANGED it, knowing that people have claimed it as THEIR OWN.

Apart from my photo, I found one person who posted Melinda Clement's piece on his Christian website with HIS name, a supposed copyright along side it, and the incredulous message to "Feel free to copy and distribute this to everyone you know." As if its his to grant?! Like the woman who claimed my photo as hers, that completely boggles my mind.

So with renewed passion, I reiterate my founding guideline: Whenever possible, CREDIT work to the responsible CREATORS. This can start whenever you copy something down. Whether by pen or keyboard or Xerox machine, take the time to capture and include the author's name if it's there. If you can't do that, at least acknowledge that the work is someone else's, and certainly NEVER claim (or even give the impression) that it's yours when it's not.

The morning I discovered the widespread distribution of my photo, I sat anchored to my computer. Clicking link after link, I welled with emotion as I read the heartfelt comments of strangers describing the feelings it evoked in them. I am so deeply touched and honored that my photo, along with Melinda's words, has resonated with so many people. Truly I am. Yet at the same time, it felt strange realizing that people have been sharing and posting my family photo on such a large scale while I was completely unaware.

It is amazing, humbling and a bit bizarre all at the same time.

Pamela McFarland Walsh
The "Unknown" Photographer

UPDATE: Read more!

Voicethread is a unique place to share photos and comments. Featured below is the voicethread I created about this story, along with related photos. Click on the play button to view. You can make comments by logging in on their site. Click here to access this thread directly.

The Awakening & Author's Credit

As a writer, I believe in the importance of giving credit. I believe only those who have struggled over the creation of a piece of writing or art can really appreciate the importance of this, but it is something everyone should be able to grasp. One of the great things about the internet is that you can easily circulate and share things with many other people. But it is also easy for original pieces to get quickly altered to suit whoever has them. And even more frequently, the author's name gets dropped altogether. This is a sad fact.

But the good news about the internet is that you can find various versions of widely circulated items easily and quickly. (Thanks Google!) Many times, you can trace something back to the original author and it's original form. Whenever possible, I will do this, give the appropriate credit, and post the pieces as close as possible to their original form. I strongly encourage you all to do the same. Whenever you share material, don't alter it to suit your purposes (at least without so noting) and always include the author's name with respect and gratitude for their talent and time.

That said, when I first posted "The Awakening" on my other blog, I didn't know where it had come from and who had written it. But a quick Google search this morning of "The Awakening" and I found both the author AND a different version than what I had. It's funny because, while I obviously liked the version I saved years ago, I thought it ended abruptly and didn't flow as beautifully as the rest of the piece. Upon comparison of the two, it appears that someone has made some edits, notably taking out "the God" parts.

Here's the problem with that. First, it deviates from the author's original intent (unless of course she made the edits, which I doubt she did). And second -- whether you believe in God or not -- the edits lessen the quality of that particular piece, at least in my opinion. The version I had -- while very close to the original -- just doesn't come together at the end as beautifully as this does. I invite you to compare the two and see if you don't agree.

And so, the piece below is what I believe to be the original as written by Sonny Carroll. I am leaving the altered one up on my yoga blog (2/15/08 post) if you're interested in the comparison. I invite you to take a look at both of them and then post your thoughts here.

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Introduction to "The Awakening" by Sonny Carroll

I actually began writing this piece in 1996 shortly after coming out of a long drawn out and painful break-up. I was a total mess. My life was in shambles and as I tried to make some sense of what had happened, and why, I began to write The Awakening. This piece is a compilation of all the lessons I learned and the observations I made about myself, about other people and their relationships, and of the wisdom that my most dear friend, Drane Uljaj, has shared with me over countless cups of tea.

The Awakening
by Sonny Carroll

There comes a time in your life when you finally get it ... When in the midst of all your fears and insanity you stop dead in your tracks and somewhere the voice inside your head cries out "ENOUGH! Enough fighting and crying or struggling to hold on." And, like a child quieting down after a blind tantrum, your sobs begin to subside, you shudder once or twice, you blink back your tears and through a mantle of wet lashes you begin to look at the world from a new perspective.

This is your awakening.

You realize that it is time to stop hoping and waiting for something, or someone, to change, or for happiness, safety and security to come galloping over the next horizon. You come to terms with the fact that there aren't always fairytale endings (or beginnings for that matter) and that any guarantee of "happily ever after" must begin with you. Then a sense of serenity is born of acceptance.

So you begin making your way through the "reality of today" rather than holding out for the "promise of tomorrow." You realize that much of who you are, and the way you navigate through life is, in great part, a result of all the social conditioning you've received over the course of a lifetime. And you begin to sift through all the nonsense you were taught about:

• how you should look and how much you should weigh
• what you should wear and where you should shop
• where you should live or what type of car your should drive
• who you should sleep with and how you should behave
• who you should marry and why you should stay
• the importance of bearing children or what you owe your family

Slowly you begin to open up to new worlds and different points of view. And you begin re-assessing and re-defining who you are and what you really believe in. And you begin to discard the doctrines you have outgrown, or should never have practiced to begin with.

You accept the fact that you are not perfect and that not everyone will love, appreciate or approve of who or what you are... and that's OK... they are entitled to their own views and opinions. And, you come to terms with the fact that you will never be a size 5 or a "perfect 10".... Or a perfect human being for that matter... and you stop trying to compete with the image inside your head or agonizing over how you compare. And, you take a long look at yourself in the mirror and you make a promise to give yourself the same unconditional love and support you give so freely to others. Then a sense of confidence is born of self-approval.

And, you stop maneuvering through life merely as a "consumer" hungry for your next fix, a new dress, another pair of shoes or looks of approval and admiration from family, friends or even strangers who pass by. Then you discover that "it is truly in giving that we receive and that the joy and abundance you seek grows out of the giving. And you recognize the importance of "creating" & "contributing" rather than "obtaining" & "accumulating."

And you give thanks for the simple things you've been blessed with, things that millions of people upon the earth can only dream about - a full refrigerator, clean running water, a soft warm bed, the freedom of choice and the opportunity to pursue your own dreams.

And you begin to love and to care for yourself. You stop engaging in self-destructive behaviors, including participating in dysfunctional relationships. You begin eating a balanced diet, drinking more water and exercising. And because you've learned that fatigue drains the spirit and creates doubt and fear, you give yourself permission to rest. And just as food is fuel for the body, laughter is fuel for the spirit and so you make it a point to create time for play.

Then you learn about love and relationships - how to love, how much to give in love, when to stop giving and when to walk away. And you allow only the hands of a lover who truly loves and respects you to glorify you with his touch. You learn that people don't always say what they mean or mean what they say, intentionally or unintentionally, and that not everyone will always come through and interestingly enough, it's not always about you. So, you stop lashing out and pointing fingers or looking to place blame for the things that were done to you or weren't done for you. And you learn to keep your Ego in check and to acknowledge and redirect the destructive emotions it spawns; anger, jealousy and resentment.

You learn how to say I was wrong and to forgive people for their own human frailties. You learn to build bridges instead of walls and about the healing power of love as it is expressed through a kind word, a warm smile or a friendly gesture. And, at the same time, you eliminate any relationships that are hurtful or fail to uplift and edify you. You stop working so hard at smoothing things over and setting your needs aside. You learn that feelings of entitlement are perfectly OK and that it is your right to want or expect certain things. And you learn the importance of communicating your needs with confidence and grace. You learn that the only cross to bear is the one you choose to carry and that eventually martyrs are burned at the stake. Then you learn to distinguish between guilt, and responsibility and the importance of setting boundaries and learning to say "NO." You learn that you don't know all the answers, it's not your job to save the world and that sometimes you just need to Let Go.

Moreover, you learn to look at people as they really are and not as you would want them to be and you are careful not to project your neediness or insecurities onto a relationship. You learn that you will not be more beautiful, more intelligent, more lovable or important because of the man on your arm or the child that bears your name. You learn that just as people grow and change, so it is with love and relationships and that that not everyone can always love you the way you would want them to. So you stop appraising your worth by the measure of love you are given. And suddenly you realize that it's wrong to demand that someone live their life or sacrifice their dreams just to serve your needs, ease your insecurities, or meet "your" standards and expectations. You learn that the only love worth giving and receiving is the love that is given freely without conditions or limitations. And you learn what it means to love. So you stop trying to control people, situations and outcomes. You learn that "alone" does not mean "lonely" and you begin to discover the joy of spending time "with yourself" and "on yourself." Then you discover the greatest and most fulfilling love you will ever know. Self Love. And so it comes to pass that, through understanding, your heart heals; and now all new things are possible.

Moving along, you begin to avoid Toxic people and conversations. And you stop wasting time and energy rehashing your situation with family and friends. You learn that talk doesn't change things and that unrequited wishes can only serve to keep you trapped in the past. So you stop lamenting over what could or should have been and you make a decision to leave the past behind. Then you begin to invest your time and energy to affect positive change. You take a personal inventory of all your strengths and weaknesses and the areas you need to improve in order to move ahead, you set your goals and map out a plan of action to see things through.

You learn that life isn't always fair and you don't always get what you think you deserve and you stop personalizing every loss or disappointment. You learn to accept that sometimes bad things happen to good people and that these things are not an act of God... but merely a random act of fate.

And you stop looking for guarantees, because you've learned that the only thing you can really count on is the unexpected and that whatever happens, you'll learn to deal with it. And you learn that the only thing you must truly fear is the great robber baron of all time - FEAR itself. So you learn to step right into and through your fears, because to give into fear is to give away the right to live life on your terms. You learn that much of life truly is a self-fulfilling prophesy and you learn to go after what you want and not to squander your life living under a cloud of indecision or feelings of impending doom.

Then, YOU LEARN ABOUT MONEY... the personal power and independence it brings and the options it creates. And you recognize the necessity to create your own personal wealth. Slowly, you begin to take responsibility for yourself by yourself and you make yourself a promise to never betray yourself and to never ever settle for less than your heart's desire. And a sense of power is born of self-reliance. And you live with honor and integrity because you know that these principles are not the outdated ideals of a by-gone era but the mortar that holds together the foundation upon which you must build your life. And you make it a point to keep smiling, to keep trusting and to stay open to every wonderful opportunity and exciting possibility. Then you hang a wind chime outside your window to remind yourself what beauty there is in Simplicity.

Finally, with courage in your heart and with God by your side you take a stand, you take a deep breath and you begin to design the life you want to live as best as you can.

A word about the Power of Prayer: In some of my darkest, most painful and frightening hours, I have prayed, not for the answers to my prayers or for material things, but for my "God" to help me find the strength, confidence and courage to persevere; to face each day and to do what I must do.

Remember this: You are an expression of the almighty. The spirit of God resides within you and moves through you. Open your heart, speak to that spirit and it will heal and empower you.
My "God" has never failed me.

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